Choices

So, I had a shitty day today. Well some of it. I awoke to an unhappy email from someone I know. I had told this male a while back ago that I had some interest in him. Last night I told him I had realized we were 2 very different people in 2 very different places in our lives. I told him I didn’t want anything with him. It didn’t go over well. Therefore I woke to an email explaining to me how I really feel. Also telling me why I really wanted to have the conversation in the first place. Hmmmm. No, I’m pretty certain I know how I feel and why I said what I said. It was not to lash out. Merely to cut ties now before time progressed. I agreed to disagree. I was called fickle.
I stopped at the apartment office to ask a question and reminded them I would be handing in my keys in a week or two after I moved. My file was examined. I was told there was no proof of a written form explaining my plans to vacate. I reminded the office personnel of our conversation a month ago when I asked what I needed to do and was told that I didn’t have to do anything else. I remember other details of the conversation as well. They don’t remember a thing. They say I am responsible for another month’s rent. I say no, I won’t be doing that.
A couple nasty phone calls and text messages from the boy later, I feel as if I will explode with emotions. I walk into a house full of boxes, some empty, some full. I watch my nephew walk on the grapes and strawberries Romeo has dropped on the floor. I try to get things out for supper as my son screams. My daughter bombards me with questions. My stepfather walks into the kitchen and begins to comfort my son. I sit outside now and can hear my nephew and daughter inside arguing over how long popcorn should be cooked.
I also reflect on my day. I had a wonderful conversation with my aunt this afternoon. She even gave me ten bucks for hemming her daughter’s skirts for her. I treated myself to Starbucks! Even told my daughter I would buy her a frappucino if she paid for half. She only ever drinks half of it, so it only seems right. She was happy. We got home and blew bubbles and colored with chalk. I visited with a neighbor. I visited on the phone with my cousin. Then, my stepfather was there to witness the chaos in my home amidst all the personal struggles I had spoken of previously. Darn, it felt good to know someone was there to see it. At times I feel like no one knows what it is like. For a very wonderful hour he experienced it with me. He gave me a wonderfully warm hug before he left and mused at how he wishes he could do more. I told him that listening and being a part of my life for that one hour was what I needed the most.
I think I’ll go to bed tonight thinking of how rich my day was. I’m choosing that today. Like the sign that hangs above my kitchen sink, “Remember the Days Blessings, Forget the Day’s Troubles.”