Assuming a defensive position

Alright, so I lied. Not purposefully, however in my last post I said I would forget the troubles of the day and focus only on the good. I struggled, and I tried. It’s 3:30 am now and I haven’t been able to sleep. I’ve been full of anger and thoughts of lashing out at another. I have tried to count the many ways I could tell them they don’t know what they are talking about when they speak of commitment and sacrifice. Years of single-parenting have flashed through my mind. Sleepless nights, days full of labor, and evenings of child-rearing. Yet I kept coming back to the question, “What of all these thoughts? Why can I not just let it go?” Then I thought of the Book of Job. I climbed out of bed and back outside to read from it. Humbled. What do I really know about sacrifice? What do I really know at all? My meager 30 years are nothing in the face of the One who created life. Now what? I honestly don’t know, but I do feel my anger melting away. I suppose what’s left is to keep giving it back and realizing that I am not in control. As long as I give in to the emotions they grow in strength until I am consumed by them. Then I am left fighting for control; all the while being fueled by what? Selfish thoughts? Feelings of grandeur? Stubbornness?
Why is it so hard to take a stand for what I see and believe and leave it at that? How much easier it can be to take that same stand and then lose sight of what I truly stand for as thoughts of injustice creep into my mind. Then what am I left standing for? Just defending myself?