To Be or Not To Be, is that really the question?

I have had many a great thought lately as I've been spending a lot of time on the road. A lot of time driving tends to equal a lot of time to think. I wish I could remember all the "great thoughts" now, but unfortunately when I don't write them down right away I tend to lose them. I just finished watching a movie tonight called, "It's Complicated." About 1/3 of the way through I wanted to turn it off, but I didn't. I pushed through instead and finished it. There were parts about it I didn't care for as I was watching it, but all in all it turned out to be a fairly good film. It was all about relationships. When the show was finished I got up and went to the bedroom to put on my pajamas. For a brief second I thought, maybe I don't ever want to get married. Perhaps it was because I had just surveyed the room around me and taken into account all the toys and laundry scattered all over the floor. I suppose sometimes I feel there are parts of my life I don't necessarily want to share with anyone else. Then I suddenly found myself thinking of a particular friend of mine whose husband has been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimers. I found myself wanting to ask her if she would change anything if she could. I wanted to ask her if it was worth it. All those years of marriage and suddenly the man she has loved is becoming a stranger in their own home. Upon thinking this I realized, perhaps there is more to my thoughts of never wanting to marry than I care to admit. I honestly know that I have some hang-ups in that department, however I really have not quite learned yet exactly how to get past them. Sometimes I feel like I am just afraid, and other times I wonder if I don't just like being alone. I think of the field I am heading into for a career, and of all the "talking" I will be doing and I think maybe I want my quiet time. Maybe I don't want to have to talk to someone else when I come home from my job. I often enjoy solitude. Not always, but I do enjoy my personal space. Working from home I often feel isolated from the world, and very much in need of social time, as I feel that I am a people-person at heart. However what would it look like if all of my time was "social time"? How annoying, total brain fart; I can't remember if the question mark goes in front of the quotation marks or behind them in this instance :) I suppose I am thinking all of these things because I have been doing more "dating around" in the last 6 months than I have done in years. And years and years. It's been a sad reminder to me of broken-heartedness and pain that is always just an arm's length away. Well, I know that pain and suffering in this life are unavoidable, however in the dating department I always wonder if it's even worth it. Maybe for some people it is, and maybe for others it just isn't. I can't honestly decide if all of this is just a cop-out for me, if I really believe it, or if I just haven't yet in all of my years met that someone that leaves me absolutely certain that he is the one for me. I hear some people say this has happened to them. Sometimes I wonder if it's just not in the cards for some of us. Whatever the case, I just want to be content. I want to love myself and love my life for what it is, single or not. I want more inner peace more than I want an intimate relationship; of that I am positive. There are just some things I don't ever want to have to sacrifice for love. In regards to my children, this is not the case though. For them, I think I would sacrifice just about any of my own desires.