Fallen, fallen world

I had a great day today. Good day at home, very productive, and a great night at class. Drove home from class feeling so at peace with God and with the world. Then I start getting text messages. Damn. I hate text. Entirely too much communication can be misconstrued. So here I am feeling so motivated and empowered and blessed and then......
I see it for what it is though. I'm not perfect. Far from it. I'll be the first to admit it too. Sometimes even too quickly. But there is Grace. And there is Mercy. However it often feels like there are so many people in this world who don't believe in those things anymore. I want to believe it. I want to be certain that even when it feels as if the world has turned its back on me, there is a God who never will. I want to cling to the hope that this life is not all there is. I want to cry out to God with an avalanche of feelings and questions and emotions and know that He hears those cries. Even when I can't feel Him.......
So this is faith. Reaching out. Knowing that nothing tangible will be within my grasp, but reaching anyways. Calling out, knowing that I won't hear an audible human voice, but knowing that he takes my words to heart. Crying, even if I am alone, and believing that he is counting and catching every single tear.
Yes, my heart has been fractured. Yes, I have fallen down numerous times. Yet he witnesses these things and still calls me beautiful. Astounding. I want to be made new all over again. I want to look to his future for me, not continue searching for what my version of that future looks like. I want to set goals, knowing that he steadies my hand as I write them on paper. I want to keep my eye on the prize and not forget where my treasure lies. I want to tune into him and tune out all the other voices of humanity who shout contrasting opinions. I want to bow at his feet and humbly admit that I am far too weak to live this life alone......