Hypocrisy

Anne Frank once said, “I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.” I’ve tried to believe that for so long. Some things have recently been brought to my attention though. This new knowledge made me angry and made me want to laugh at the same time. I did laugh out loud actually. Not at the circumstances though, but at the hypocrisy involved. Yet, as I sit here to write I’m beginning to doubt my own bitterness. I feel these things welling up inside of me, and then have to stop and ask, am I not just the same? Do I not also say I want to be a certain way, and then turn around and live my life quite the opposite at times? Who am I to cast judgment on others? This internal tug of war leaves me feeling delirious. I want to say that I have the right to be angry; but when is this right truly ours?
I have watched another start a life made of lies and manipulation. Then they covered it with more lies. On top of those lies they stacked more lies. The deceit has grown so substantial that I stare in amazement and wonder how a person can keep it all together and how they manage to live keeping order of truth and lies. Or do they? Then I think of myself, and millions of others. I think of how we all have a tendency to view life through this little lens of our own limited perspective. In a sense we all learn how to dress for the masquerade. We all wear our little hats and our masks when the situation calls for it. Does life ever truly call for it, or have we just decided that it should? Are we just locking ourselves inside the prison of our own narrow perceptions?
I sat in class today as we had to choose a list of 3 types of people we look forward to counseling, and 3 types of people we believe we may have trouble counseling. I felt rather humble when I realized both of my lists were determined solely based on my own personal experiences. I felt so limited. I was very aware of my present desire to only counsel those whose life experiences were similar to my own. I was also aware of my lack of desire to counsel others who reminded me of people who have caused me immense pain and suffering. Then I looked around the room and even became aware of someone in the class who reminded me of someone I once knew. I don’t have too many fond memories of that person, and subsequently I realized I was transposing those emotions onto this person in my class with whom I have never even had a conversation with. Wow, I suppose I really ought to start looking at my own heart before being so quick to judge someone else’s. Perhaps some of my own internal unhappiness lately has been substantially in part because I have been so preoccupied with the hearts of others.....