Time Heals.

Life has been marching forward. I started my master's program at the beginning of June; in the midst of all the family upheaval. I love my classes. I relish the time I get to spend alone with my music or prayer on the 45 minute drive to and from class. I savor the 4 hours I get to spend with other students in the classroom. Most of the chaos that has been stirred up with my family has settled back down to a lull. The woman my father proposed to has decided she will go ahead and marry him after all, choosing not to heed my warning. I've become fairly apathetic towards the idea, having already decided that he will no longer be a part of my life. His mother has left me a hateful voicemail and ranted and raved about me to other family members. I, being more of the 21st century mindset (chuckle), sent her a text saying, "I guess that means goodbye." Surprising me, she wrote back with, "You chose this." In a manner of speaking, yes. Did I do this on my own? No. We all chose this by living years of our lives just sweeping the ugly stuff under the rug. It's been like a monster in the room all along. I just finally decided to call it what it is.
It hurt at first to know that the man I have called my father my whole life had discredited me in order to keep his secrets, his career, and his future wife. As time has been passing though, I'm growing more and more confident that my life will be better without these toxic relationships. Holidays will be different, for sure. Possibly even less stressful since I will be traveling to fewer family functions. In truth, the 3 family members I think I will be losing over this entire ordeal are the 3 family members I have never had authentic relationships with before anyways. Rather, they have been superficial. They have also been relationships where I have continued to listen to their verbal abuse, as they don't seem to think the way the often treat others is abuse at all. I imagined the other day this scenario; a great depiction of these relationships. There is a door. I go to the door, my hands full. I knock, one of them answers. In order to come in I must hang outside all those things they see I carry that they don't want to acknowledge; painful memories involving them, ideas I have that are different than their own, some morals, some beliefs, any right to object, and my own assertiveness. These things are not welcome if I want to spend time with them. One day I decided that I would not knock, I would announce myself instead. I walked right in carrying all of these things. I placed them in front of everyone and told them to look. They screamed. They tried to kick me and all of my "stuff" right out the door. I dare say, I did not just let them. I walked right back out all by myself. Can you say liberation?
Thank you God. I feel a beautiful new beginning on the horizon.....