Where's the Night Owl?

It's 9:39 pm on a Thursday evening. I'm thinking about heading to bed; not because I'm tired, but because I don't know what to do with myself tonight. This master's program is kicking my ass. I can handle the homework load; I work well under that kind of pressure. It's the material that's shaking me up. The application of theory in my life is painful. I have so many things I could be working on, and I'm not motivated to tackle any of them. I did cry tonight for the first time in I don't know how long. Then my son walked in while I lay there on my bed. He started body slamming me, making it difficult to stay caught up in the moment. Then my daughter walks in and asks what's wrong. Oh, I told her school was just really difficult and I just needed a good cry. All the while I'm thinking how the heck do I make this work? Do I process and have my tearful moments when I'm supposed to be studying? When I'm supposed to be working? When I'm supposed to be raising children? I thought I had this all mapped out. My master plan for juggling life is beginning to look like a school paper that I put off until the last minute and now find myself struggling to throw together into something barely legible. I know I should be able to make it through this, but at what cost? How do I rearrange my priorities and personal needs in a way that's beneficial for me and my children? And dating? Don't even get me started. Not that I do much of it anyways, but good lord! I'm not sure it would be wise to try to squeeze it in now, which means perhaps I might be married by the time I'm 40. That's comforting. On that note, the application of these theories is stirring up so much inside of me that I'm starting to think I may die before I truly feel that I'm capable of having a healthy intimate relationship anyways. More comfort. Oh blog! Please forgive my skepticism and pessimism, this week has not been one of my "finer moments."