Growing Pains

I have a deep desire to grow emotionally and spiritually. You can't have either without experiencing some form of pain, suffering, and humility. I welcome the growth - and I resist the suffering it brings. Inner turmoil ensues. A tug of war where I feel bombarded with emotions from all different directions. They cover me in layers so thick that I have trouble differentiating between them all. It just feels like a battle, and I want the fight to be over. What are my options? I could run away. Or I could face the reality that when I get through the current experience I may walk away stronger. I'd like to cry, but I don't. Oh that dreaded detachment....It seems to creep up right in the midst of trying to process these emotions. Then I'm fighting again to feel the emotions so I can process them some more. Maybe right now I just need to be still for a moment and allow God to intervene. Oh surrender self, just surrender.....