Solitude and Being Alone; Two Very Different Things

I don’t believe we were meant to suffer alone
For a good many years I thought I had to
There seemed to be no one else to turn to
It took a great deal of internalized brutality for me to realize
That life does not have to be lived that way
When I ponder my own coping mechanisms
I can see that I still suffer alone needlessly at times
While solitude can be beautiful,
Suffering alone is just plain unnecessary
In solitude I often find myself staring up at the ceiling or sky
When I suffer alone my eyes tend to be shut
And my claws come out
I find it hard to "just" be near another when he or she is experiencing suffering alone
When another shuts the door and pushes everyone away
It takes a great deal of strength not to intervene
My heart feels torn in two
I sense that prying will be too forceful and unwelcome
Yet my heart sheds tears
Something deep inside wells up
I have to remind myself that sometimes all I can do is be present
When in reality I want to cry the tears they cannot seem to cry for themselves
I am taken back to my youth
I am that young girl who clung to the belief that no one should have to feel so alone
I want to give the hugs I should have been given
I want to be the shoulder I could never rely on
We were most definitely not made to be alone