Love Story

I watched a movie today….a love story.

I was reminded of why I quit watching those types of movies.

They depress me.

When I tried to probe within my feelings to find out why, all I could come up with is that I don’t believe in them any more.

Love stories that is.

When I correlated that thought with who Christ is, I became even more sad.

No wonder my relationship with Christ feels so empty.

Then I opened the blinds on the front window a bit to take a picture and hurriedly shut them when I was done.

My anxiousness bothered me.

I asked myself why.

I don’t want anyone to look in.

I love the light.

However if letting the light in means allowing others to see in as well, I believe I prefer to sit in the dark.

And so it is in my life.

I realized I was not just thinking about the window anymore.

I got some flowers today.

They were beautiful, and for a very short time they brightened my day.

And then it stopped.

And I’m not sure why, except they were from a boy.

I don’t like the idea that a guy will buy me flowers.

Or say something endearing or nice.

Because then he might not respond if I text.

He might not relate to how I feel.

He might not listen.

He might not understand.

So many mights become so mighty.

So heavy.

I’d rather not carry them I think.

So I’ll try and avoid them all together.