Complete randomness

1 a.m. and I am still awake. Creature of the night, I am. I relish the time after kids have fallen asleep. Sure, my bed calls. However solitude calls louder. Something beautiful about piddling around the house by myself. The baby wakes for his first of at least 2 nightly feedings. Ah, yes; 16 months old and still not sleeping through the night. My days of rolling my eyes at mothers who whine of no sleep are over. My first child might have been pleasant and sleepy all the time, but not this one. I step outside armed with my laptop, energy drink, and a pack of smokes. Cool breeze, dark skies, and every so often the sound of a bird that has forgotten that everyone else is sleeping. It’s been a good week. My mind drifts with random thoughts. Thunder rolls in the distance. It’s been one of those days where the future does not nag me to make plans. Instead I am at peace right where I am. Sure the occasional struggles with the pre-teen, or fleeting thoughts about finances arise, but today peace wins. The world is as it should be and I am left to dream. I did notice my jeans were fitting more snug through the hips this afternoon, but thoughts of a gym membership are a couple of months away. Today I didn’t fret. Today I know that tomorrow will take care of itself. Today I encouraged myself to think of how much worse things could be the next time I feel darkness setting in. Will it work? I’m not sure, but today I have a plan. I used to pray all the time. Sometimes I even dropped to my knees in earnest, heartfelt prayer. I don’t really find myself doing that anymore, but today I prayed. Small quiet prayers in the face of possible melt downs. I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that if I don’t get some sleep soon it might be miserable for sure.