Escape

All day I’ve felt alone

Caged

Running from work

Retreating to the comfort of the sofa

This anxiety that sometimes builds

How often do I honestly give in to it?

And why?

For then when I do rise the rest of my day is spent in guilt and loathing

So often not accepting of myself.

Mother comes to deliver an article I have left at her house

More sadness as I am reminded that she does not see me

Tell-tell traces of my depression if only she would glance around the house

But she doesn’t

Or maybe she does, but she would rather not be brought down by this darkness that has plagued me for years.

I search my mind for purpose in this day.

Where is it?

What is it?

I step outside armed with coffee and a cigarette

Oh sweet release!

Shining sun, freshly cut lawns, birds chirping

I dream of lying on a blanket, arms stretched wide, basking in the sun, taking it all in

Free of interruptions

Wish my neighbor would step outside

I’d love another distraction from my work