The Real Miracle

“The miracle is not what you missed.  It’s what you were given.”

~unknown~

When I was a young girl, full of questions and emotions, unsure of whom to pose them to, I reached for my pen and paper.  I guess it’s not a whole lot different today.  Except I’m not as young anymore, and these days I reach for my laptop instead.  I’m still full of just as many questions and emotions; maybe more.  And I still feel scared and insecure when I’m not sure of the answers.  It’s ironic to me how our very strengths can become our weaknesses if we allow it. 

My persistence has driven me down roads of achievement.  The same persistence has also driven me straight into walls.  You see I have this habit of holding onto dreams and not knowing when to let go.  We all want to have it our way sometimes, and we don’t always fall down gracefully.  Myself, I like to go down fighting.  That’s when one of my greatest strengths becomes one of my greatest weaknesses.  It doesn't do a lot of good when you forget what you’re fighting for, or who’s fighting with you.

I heard someone say once, “I’m not as much of a quick learner as I am a fast forgetter.”  Boy doesn't that hold true?  When you grow up as a survivor, it’s the way you've learned to live.  And you keep living this way unless you find a new way.  I believe as survivors, we’re always searching for this new way. 

Tonight I cried out in silence to God, “Where are you?!”

What I heard was an echo back, “Where are you?”

It’s like I was asking, “Where have you been through all of the hard times?”

And he answered with a question, “Where have you been?”

He was right you know.  I don’t believe that God jumps ship when things get tough.  He doesn't run in fear.  I do.  I’m the one who latches on to familiar defenses.  I’m the one too afraid to ask for help.  A lot of people know when they need to lean on others.  And then there are people like me.  In my determination to push forward, I get caught up in the patterns of just surviving.  My prayer tonight is that I continue to learn new ways to truly live.  When my time comes I don’t want to be known as a survivor.  I want to be remembered as someone who truly embraced life.