After sitting on my porch smoking my head began to spin, so I decided I might be better off turning in early for bed. As I lay there in bed I found myself having some very introspective moments. You know the kind where you take a look at your life and the parts that really stand out are not the things you are doing, but rather the things you're not? The idea that I'm talking a big talk and not actually walking the walk really bothers me. That's putting it lightly. It nags at me, gnawing at my conscious thoughts daily, until I have these moments of reflection where I begin to really think intentionally, and see all the places in my life where I'm not living with the same intention.
I suppose I have these ideas of the kind of mom I want to be, the kind of housekeeper I want to be, and the kind of character I want to embody. When all of these things don't seem to add up to what I expect, I feel the need to analyze. Some may call it over analyze. Although a lot of routines in life often begin to feel mundane and never ending, sometimes these mundane tasks beckon me. When they do, there is a great sense of accomplishment in taking care of the small stuff. These mundane tasks generally beckon me when I look around my house and realize that clutter and mess have taken over. When the house feels like a wreck, I often feel that it mirrors what my life feels like. I'm not sure if my messy life leads to a messy house, or if the mess in the house just makes my life feel like chaos. I suppose it's subjective.
At any rate, it always feels better when I tackle a few of those mundane tasks. Ie., washing dishes, folding laundry, vacuuming, etc. Call it what you will, but when there is order around me, I feel a sense of order inside of me. I wonder if my kids feel it as well. When I look at it that way I long to stay on top of everything to give them that security. However, I have never been the best at time management, and I'm pretty damn good at getting side-tracked.
This video captures my thoughts perfectly tonight....
0 comments:
Post a Comment