Letter to my little brother....

Ok, so our little talk has really got me thinking. Or should I say that now I can't sleep? Not a bad thing - don't go feeling guilty or anything. I woke up this morning feeling the pressing need to just really take some time to stop and think about some important things in life that really need me to slow down and look at them. So, I've been thinking and writing and smoking and not sleeping. Then I tried to sleep. Alas, the thoughts won't quit going around and around in my mind. Then I thought of something amidst all the chaos and noise in my mind. I thought of the woman you spoke of. I thought of what it must have been like to be you in that place in time. I pictured her, smiling, talking, sharing. Carefree, seemingly content. And I thought, maybe that's what sprung your tears? Do we not all wish that we could just be free to be who we are? Liberated. Just free. Enjoying all the little pieces of joy that life has to offer? Sounds like she had that. Perhaps your tears surfaced because you saw in her something you long to have for yourself. Something you often hide or forget because we live in a world that is full of suffering, judgement, and pain. Perhaps you saw through her disability and really thought, "Whatever it is that she's got, I want some of that."
Tonight I took our cousin out to a cemetery to teach her how to drive. The highlight of my evening was when I got her really talking about her feelings, long after the driving lesson had ended. The shining moment came when she confessed that she feels that everyone thinks she's just a mess and that she screws up all the time. That is when I had the grand opportunity to tell her that I have never felt that way. That's when I told her that she is a VERY good person, and that I have always known that. I told her she has been through so much more than anyone her age should ever have to endure and she has survived. I told her that she has far too many people in her life telling her she isn't good and that she won't succeed, or that her way is the wrong way. I told her that I believed in her and the truth that she will find her way in this world. I told her she needs to surround herself with more people who see that in her and aren't afraid to tell her the same. I told her she is kind and wonderful.
And now, I'm reminded of my belief that these are the types of moments that keep me hanging on to this life. These moments when we have the opportunity to give another person more than just a moment of our time. More like a piece of ourselves. Even if it lasts no longer than a 30 minute conversation. Because in reality, those conversations can last a lifetime in the heart of the one who has been touched.....by your time, your caring, your kindness....
Love you Little Brother. More than words can express.
Betty