Road Trip Day Ten

"There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light.

In the fine print they tell me what's wrong and what's right.

And it comes in black and it comes in white.

And I'm frightened by those who don't see it."

~The Avett Brothers, Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise~

August 7th, 2013

I woke up again around 8:30am, feeling like I've had some sort of internal alarm set on this entire trip.  Matt was kind enough to open two different MRE's in order to find me some instant coffee for breakfast.  God bless his gracious soul!  My bag of Dunkin' Donuts coffee had run out the morning before. After two cups I started to feel like a human again.  We spent the morning around the fire visiting, the time feeling bittersweet.  Even though I felt like I was trying to hold onto every moment to make it last, time still passed too swiftly.  Before I knew it morning had entered into afternoon and we conceded to packing things away before our check out time was upon us.  We moved slower this time and Matt gave me hell for having so much of my crap strewn out all over the place.  I gave it right back when I had all of my things packed away long before he had finished his own packing.

Even though the wind seemed to have picked up a bit, the air around us seemed to grow still as we neared time to say goodbye.  He made a remark that goodbyes are always awkward and I said that they don't have to be.  I wouldn't call the feeling awkward, but rather a space in between feeling connected and admitting it's time to walk our separate ways.  Rich and vulnerable.  I embraced him a little tighter when I hugged him this time, and he voiced my thoughts exactly when he said, "Damn Kansas!"  

"Damn Wisconsin!" I replied and we shared a laugh before we tried to shrug it off and get in our cars.  We drove our separate ways and I'm sure I spent at least an hour with lingering sadness hovering over me before the lyrics of The Avett Brothers began to wake me up to the beauty of the road again.  I was headed to my next destination for a bike ride and one more night of camping.  A couple hours later I pulled into Cedar Falls, Iowa and contacted my Skout friend Jesse to meet up for a bike ride.  They had gotten a taste of the storms I had come across on my travels, so we settled on a paved road ride instead of off-road trails.  We rode around the river, looped around the lake, downtown, and back to camp before we sat in front of a fire to visit for a couple more hours.  

He had rubbed me the wrong way from the start when he made several references to the fact that he was embarrassed to tell anyone he had met someone online from a dating app.  I told him I didn't see things that way because my intent on the site is just meeting friends and fellow mountain bikers.  And regardless your intent, what's the shame in seeking social contact through online networking?  I knew I was taking it too personally when I felt in a sense that he was ashamed to be meeting me.  That wasn't entirely true, but after a journey of stepping out of my box, I wanted to step away from him when in his perspective he seemed to be placing his own mind in a small box.  It was a confining feeling I wanted to hand back to him, because I wanted nothing to do with it.

I thought of a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  I meditated on that for a while until I felt the ice in my heart melt away and I could enjoy my present company.  All I can do is make choices and live in realities that I can live with myself.  Every man has to go to sleep at night with his own choices and the reality he can own and live with.  I wasn't unhappy when our time ended anyways, but I was exhausted and really looking forward to a full night's sleep alone on my last night of camping.  I decided I wanted to end the night in better company so I called up my buddy Matt.  We talked about how we'd spent the rest of our day, and I made sure to ask about Elsa.  I could tell we both just needed sleep, so we kept the conversation short and soon I was falling asleep snug in my sleeping bag, content with the sounds of crickets and wind blowing through my camp.

Road Trip Day Nine

“'We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet.

'Even longer,' Pooh answered.” 

~A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh~

August 6th, 2013

When we woke up I confessed that I was more akin to a sleepwalker in the mornings until I had finished off at least a cup or two of coffee.  I think it was apparent when I stumbled around while trying to walk straight.  I finished some coffee and with Elsa on her leash we walked around the camp trying to remember the numbers of empty sites that looked appealing enough to make moving camp worth the effort.  We found a few, then called the office to check on availability.  We ended up driving down and making the changes, then heading back to tear down our stuff and pack it away once again.  

We drove over to our new campsite and like pros we had everything set up again in no time.  I wanted to sample the bike trails and he wanted to hike.  We decided I would go for a quick ride and when I got back we would all three go hiking together.  Our new camp site was right by the trail head, so I was off for adventure in no time.  The trails at Devil's Lake state park are double track that are mostly gravel with some large granite rock on some of the hills.  I kept pushing myself to ride, but the trails had no switchbacks and I felt like all I had done for 3-4 miles was climb long, long, long ass hills.  I finally thought, "Screw this shit," and I turned around to head back since I knew it would be great downhill almost the entire way.  Hell yes!  Nothing compares to the thrill of barreling downhill over large rocks and gravel.  You barely see the ruts and rocks in front of you unless you are squeezing your brakes, and who wants to do that?  So instead you grip the handlebars tight, hover back over your seat and lean into every curve.  It's a rush knowing you are taking a risk flying down rocky hills at such a high rate of speed, but trusting your ability just the same.  In one hand you hold the fear of the risk, and in the other you hold the reward of the wind in your face and the confidence of making it down without a spill.  The reward is most definitely worth the risk.

The ride back went much quicker than the ride out, and I was back at camp in no time.  I was drenched in sweat and I joked about how he would get to enjoy my stench on our hike together.  It didn't matter though, we set out and soon we were both a sweaty mess on the hiking trails.  I had complained about the trails to him already, and now he had a taste of it for himself.  We checked the map and realized we had missed the hiking only trail we had meant to take.  We decided on a different route and soon found ourselves at a connector point for the Ice Age Trail.  I'm so glad we had gone the wrong direction to start.  The views were absolutely stunning.  There was bluff after bluff on which to stop and gaze at the beauty around us from our high vantage point.  Matt chided me about how I hadn't put my phone down since we got onto the trail.  I'd heard that before from my brother the last time I went out to visit him in MN.  I felt myself flinch, because I needed the accountability.  I'm out here to unplug a little, and I can't even take a photo without also reading through my messages or responding to a text.  I can't stand the feeling that I've been sucked in to the whole "world at my fingertips" mentality on smartphones.  I turned my ringer off and vowed not to check messages again at least until the hike was over.  

 I don't know how many times we stopped, but on one of our last stops we both laid down on top of big flat rocks, closed our eyes, and just gave in to the serenity.  When we admitted that if we stayed any longer we would be too relaxed to get going again, we agreed to continue back to the trail's end and back to camp.  Once we set out again we could see the toll the hike was taking on Elsa.  She had been a real trooper, but she was starting to let us know that she was no longer too keen on the idea of hiking.  She would just stop in her tracks and stare at us even if Matt tugged gently on her leash.  Matt doesn't have any kids, so Elsa really is like his baby.  He started picking her up to carry her over some of the more difficult sections of trail. Smiling, I would use the silly voice I used to talk to my cat back home and say things like, "Oh Elsa!  Your papa loves you so much!  He doesn't want you hurting your poor feet.  Such a spoiled baby you are sweet, sweet Elsa." He would also become anxious and protective when Elsa climbed too close to the edges of some of the bluffs or drop-offs on trails.  In his defense Matt would make reference to my own children and how I would most likely be just as concerned for them if they were in Elsa's shoes.  I found myself growing a whole new appreciation and understanding for the relationship between man and his dog.  

When we got back to camp we all collapsed, Matt and I in our chairs and Elsa on the ground next to us.  I got up shortly after, knowing that I needed to shower before I let myself relax anymore.  We took turns showering so someone would always be at the camp with Elsa.  I finally grasped that having Elsa with us truly was like having a child along, and even though my own children weren't enjoying this trip with us, I was grateful that one of us got to bring his child along.  When Matt got back to camp he sat in his chair and began opening his MRE pack.  I tried to refrain from giggling as he pulled out the different items and groaned when he read the contents of the different packages.  "What?  A peanut butter bar?  I've had one of these before.  They aren't very good.  Whole wheat bread?  Blackberry jam?  Damn!  I was really wanting crackers with the jelly.  Pineapple?  I don't really like pineapple.  These fajitas sound good though."  I told him he should just open another and find something he liked better.  He argued, "No, because then I'll just eat all the good stuff and I'll be left with all the shit I don't want to eat and I'll never eat it.  My rule is that you eat what's in each pack, you don't part them out."  Actually, he probably dropped the f-bomb a few times while making all those statements.  It's something I called him out on one time the night I arrived.  I refrained from bringing up again because I saw that many of his habits and perspectives stem from years of living the bachelor life with only a dog as company.  I wondered how much different my life would look if I hadn't spent the last 13 years raising children.  

He freaking cracks me up.  He knows he will give in to the way things are, but he has to voice his distaste for what disappoints him first.  He's a pleasant bundle of pessimist and realist.  It's rather endearing really.  I told him this and he said it was probably a pretty accurate description.  He told me that I was a pessimist who really wanted to be an optimist.  I scoffed at his remark and then spent entirely too much time hashing over it and trying to decide if I was more pessimist, optimist, or realist.  The truth is, I can be all of those things.  Certain experiences or circumstances can trigger the many facets of my character.  Then he said he shouldn't have said that and remarked that he can be a real asshole sometimes.  I disagreed.  He's just a realist.  And he calls things like he sees them.  There had been plenty of opportunity for us to cover a lot of ground, and I had certainly given him the chance to see some of the pessimism that resides in my heart.  

Conversation grew a bit deeper at this point.  I think I can speak for both of us, but I know for sure that I felt the raw emotions that are exposed when two people choose to be honest and vulnerable in conversation with one another.  We spoke of God and faith, beliefs and disbeliefs.  Conversation rolled through a myriad of topics.  And for a second I saw something in my heart that I knew I should look at more closely when I had some time alone.  I have this habit of feeling a void or a wall between myself and others when I explain my faith or some of my ideals,  and they don't seem to understand or relate.  The truth is, the wall is my own, and it has nothing to do with the other party.  Matt made a comment about how it sounded like I really wanted people to see me for me.  He said he doesn't even always feel like he knows himself that well, so how could he expect others to understand him any better or as well as he understood himself?  I know he's right.  There's a part of me that longs to be understood though, and  I'm glad he reminded me that sometimes we just have to let go.  Perception is reality.  And I often struggle to accept that I can be aware of my own perspective and my own reality, but I cannot change the perspective of others. I don't feel like I want to change any one else's perspective, but I am rather sensitive about the perception people have of me at moments.  I want to let it go.  I want to be free in my identity and not be bothered or bound by what others think.  It's all part of the process.  I'm on the journey of letting go....but there are still days ahead of me.  There's peace on the way when I bask in the present.  The past sits behind me where it belongs, and the future provides reassurance in place of worry.  Heaviness rolls away when I choose to sit between them.

Road Trip Day Eight

"There is a need to find and sing our own song, 

to stretch our limbs and shake them in a dance so wild that nothing can roost there,

that stirs the yearning for solitary voyage."

~Barbara Lazear Ascher~

August 5th, 2013

When I woke up we checked the weather and wondered at whether or not camping would be a good idea or not.  It's been raining on me the entire trip.  It feels like the storms have been following me where ever I go.  He had to run up to his work and take care of a few things, so I suggested that I stay and play with Elsa, wash a load of my laundry,  run to the grocery store, and start cooking up some lunch while he was out.  He took off on his bike and I took advantage of my time alone.

To start I took his dog, Elsa, outside while I sipped on some coffee and smoked a cigarette.  Elsa plays this funny game of fetch in the backyard.  You have to have 2 sticks to play with her; one to throw and one to entice her to drop the one she brings back.  There is no talking her into dropping the stick she fetches unless you wave another in front of her until she drops the one in her mouth in excitement to fetch another.  I did this for a while before I left for the store for some supplies to cook up some recipes I had saved on my phone.  

Once back I stood over the kitchen sink washing vegetables when I suddenly felt like crying.  Shit, I'm so damn tired of thoughts of my ex creeping up on me. It's few and far between these days, but every so often thoughts of him leak in and I wonder if I'll ever love anyone again the way I loved him.  I wonder who will go on midnight bike rides with me in the woods when it's below 32 degrees outside.  And who will spontaneously agree to pack up the car armed with ski gear to take the kids sledding after a big snow fall?  Well, it's not my ex and that's all there is to it.  That chapter in my life has ended and I get to keep moving on to whatever life brings next.  Chin up.  Eyes forward.

I heave a big sigh and will myself to focus on the task at hand.  Mushrooms are waiting to be stuffed, pasta boiled, and all the ingredients for peanut butter sheet cake are stacked in front of me.  I had barely brushed the tears from my eyes when Matt walked back in the door to greet me.  I handed him a salad and promised that a full-course meal would follow soon.  After lunch we were still feeling quite lazy, and it was crunch time before we decided that if we were going to camp it had to be now.  He swore he had never packed for camping in such record time.  I smiled and gloated because I had been packed for camping all along for the most part.  

We set out in separate vehicles, where I was reminded that time alone on the open road with good tunes in my ears never grows old.  It was about a 2 hour drive to Devil's Lake State Park near Baraboo, Wisconsin.  I prefer riding alone on trips like this.  I belt out my favorite songs in karaoke fashion without a care in the world about any possible onlookers.  I also have a tendency to play my favorite songs or albums on repeat as many times as I want.  Anyone riding along would be incredibly annoyed, but I don't have to give a shit when I'm alone.  Some people seem to prefer the company of others over solitude.  I have my reasons for liking them both; some of them healthy and some of them just plain selfish.  It was sprinkling on us most of the drive and we only hoped the rain wouldn't come down too heavy while we camped.  We took one of the only spots the camp had left and braved the rain by sitting by the open fire.  We cursed for a while about how fires don't like to get started in wet conditions before it finally caught for good and we could relax. I started boiling water so I could eat some ramen noodles and Matt set to work opening his MRE and talking about all the different contents of the package.  

Matt has this way of complaining about things that don't go his way using very dry humor that might come across as bitterness if you didn't know the guy well enough.  I dig his style, maybe because I can relate.  Our site wasn't the greatest and he wasn't happy that the campers next to us had set their tent up so close to our fire pit.  It didn't take long though for us to settle into acceptance that it's just the way it was going to be and we'd have to get used to whispering if we wanted to stay up and visit.  We were worn out though, so we didn't stay up too late.  We turned in after deciding that in the morning we would contact the front desk and try to move our camp to a more secluded spot so we would actually feel like we were camping at a state park instead of a commercial RV site.

Road Trip Day Seven

"Not all who wander are lost."

~J.R.R. Tolkien~

August 4th, 2013

I woke up at 8:30am, once again sure I had slept in too late until I checked the clock.  I climbed out of my tent to survey my surroundings.  It had been so dark when I pulled in that I wasn't really sure what this place looked like.  It was just a commercial site, so campers were packed in like sardines.  I headed for the office to pay for my 6 hours of sleep and get a code for the shower house.  Once there I quickly switched into riding gear and headed out for Winona Lake for a trail I had read about online.  After a quick stop for some protein and coffee at McDonalds I pulled up at the trail head and set out for a bike ride.

Trail reviews claimed this trail was a local gem, and once again I marveled at differing opinions of trails.  It was a decent ride, but just another trail you wouldn't want to hit as a destination spot.  I planned on running back out to the camp ground and showering before I headed out for Wisconsin, but excitement got the best of me and I jumped in my car drenched with sweat and set out for the 5.5 hour ride I had ahead of me.  I hit Chicago and traffic creeped along for at least an hour even though it was Sunday.  

I was headed for Appleton Wisconsin to meet a Matt Damon look alike I had met on Skout about 2 months previously.  I felt like I knew him after 2 months of talking to him, and I was growing more excited by the minute to get there.  I didn't think I was nervous until I got out of the car and heard him yell from the front door, "Hey Kansas!" Haha!  I love it!  

"Hey Matt!"  I hollered back at him through the screen before he opened it to invite me in and give me the grand tour.  When I told him I needed to shower before I did anything else he agreed and told me he could smell me from across the room.  This was just the beginnings of the shit talking him and I would throw back and forth at one another for the rest of my stay.  All cleaned up, I jumped on the back of his brand new motorcycle and we headed out to an awesome spot called Waverly Beach.  It's a restaurant with a huge outdoor area that sits right on the edge of Lake Winebago.  It has an amazing view, and a docking area where boats pull right up and people get out and walk up to the restaurant for dinner and/or drinks.  

Maybe it's because I'm from Kansas, but Matt does this thing when he talks that makes me smile repeatedly.  He makes a lot of statements about "how us Wisconsin's do things."  It makes me wonder how often I make statements about "us Kansans."  I talked about staying until sunset so I could snap some photos of the view when the sky was bursting with colors, but at about 7:45pm I told him I was already so chilled I couldn't imagine what the trip home on the back of a motorcycle was going to feel like.  We left quickly and I made a joke about how he planned this on purpose so I would hold him tighter on the ride home to keep warm.  He joked back that it was a master plan and it had turned out just like he had wanted.  

Back at his place we played with his baby, a German Shepherd named Elsa.  She's a sweet dog, but a bit high-strung.  He went to his fridge and pulled out a bag mixed with string cheese and cubes of cheddar cheese.  He said it was my welcome to Wisconsin gift since the state is known for its cheese.  I laughed and thought about how awesome a gesture it was.  Any welcome gift is a great thought.  Cheese?  Now that just makes me smile.  I do love me some cheese.  While we visited a few more hours into the night Elsa paced the room and whined just like he had told me she would.  

He took note of my Lenny and Eva cuff and as he was reading the inscription I explained to him that I had never spent so much money on jewelry in my life.  I've never been one for such frills.  This particular leather cuff isn't your typical piece of jewelry though, and the first time I ever saw them I knew one day I would own one.  Then I confessed that I owned more than one and he laughed as I  went to my bag and pulled out about 10 of the interchangeable metal plates that hook onto the cuff.  He read through the quotes and pointed out a couple that he liked the best, then made fun of one of them he thought was ridiculous.  Once again we gave each other shit because perception is reality; and we are each entitled to our own differing opinions.  I finally admitted that I really needed to call it a night because I hadn't been sleeping well on the entire trip.  We spoke a bit more about plans to camp the next couple of days before I went to sleep with visions of more bike rides and forests in my head......

Road Trip Day Six

"I soon realized that no journey carries one far unless, as it extends into the world around us, it goes an equal distance into the world within."

~Lillian Smith~

August 3rd,  2013

I woke up groggy from the three beers (aka ciders) I drank last night.  Oh how I wanted to stay in bed for several more hours and forget I had plans ahead of me.  But alas, I'm on a road trip and not about to waste it sleeping when I could be out making memories.  Choosing to skip a shower and even a changing of clothes I at least washed my face and brushed my teeth.  Somehow those small acts seem to stretch out for an hour or so because before I knew it I had half an hour until checkout.  Shit.  I still hadn't decided if I would stay another night in the hotel or pack up and go.  I had a concert to attend at the Fandana Festival tonight and it wouldn't be getting over until about midnight.  It would be easy to come back to the hotel, but it would put me farther from my next destination.  I said to hell with it and packed all my belongings away.  

I stopped by a local bicycle shop to ask them if the local trail dries out quickly enough for me to ride today.  After the heavy rain of the day  before I didn't figure it would, but you never know.  They confirmed my thoughts and said it might even take a week or so for JB Franke park to dry out after a good rain. One of the guys there said he gives mountain bike skills lessons if I was ever interested.  Wish I could have taken him up on the offer, but this trip won't afford me the luxury of time for such a treat.  They informed me that Winona Lake trails dry out quickly enough that I could probably ride them tomorrow.  Sweet!  Closer to my next destination.  I asked them if there was camping near Winona Lake, and they did some research online and gave me some info.  Now I know where I'll be resting my head tonight.  

I jumped back in my car and started the drive the Huntington, Indiana.  Once there I grabbed a bite to eat and contacted my other new local Skout friend to see if he was still interested in a meet up.  He said he was, and we agreed to meet at a park in Huntington.  If we hit it off he would head to the concert with me.  If not, we could make avoid any further awkwardness and go our separate ways.  I headed out to the park alone for some solitude and time for meditation.

I was lying on my back on a picnic table at a small park waiting for my new skout friend to show up.  Headphones on, perusing YouTube, and thinking about how liberating it feels to be here.  I could be doing this at home...hanging at a park.  But I'm not.  I'm in another state.  Alone...with my bike and an audience of one.  A drifter.  A wanderer.  A vagabond.  When I set out on this journey I made the mistake of thinking of last year.  Imagining the year would be the same.  But no year is ever the same as the last.  No trip the same as the one before.  New places.  New faces.  New experiences.  There's a tension that is created between the fear of the unknown and the excitement of what is to come.  Today I found  myself wanting the tension to melt away.  Then I recalled that real beauty exists in embracing it.  Believing that the tension isn't a bad thing. It just is; it exists.  Like grief when we suffer a loss.  Like the joy of holding your newborn child.  It's just an emotion...I can hold it and feel it, or I can resent it and wish it gone.  When I hold it, when I give in to it....I relax, and just enjoy the present.  I lose concern for what lies ahead; in a good way.  And I feel as if everything has just aligned.  Balance.

About that time Kyle shows up at the park where I am waiting.  We sat under the pavilion and swapped stories of where we have come from and dreams of where we would like to go.  Turns out Kyle is a pretty damn cool guy with many a story of his own to share.  And he is incredibly well versed in the music scene.  

I had pre-purchased tickets to the Fandana festival in Huntington, IN.  It's a two day festival at the local campus, but I was really just interested in seeing the headliner; NeedToBreathe.  Kyle decided he would like to join me, so he parked his car, jumped in with me, and together we drove over to the festival just in time to catch them.  We managed to maneuver our way right up to the front just before they came on stage.  It's my fifth time to see them in concert, and as always, they didn't disappoint.  Their charisma is contagious.  Kyle used the phrase "great chemistry on stage," and I have to agree.  

When the show ended we got in my car and parked near the tour bus in hopes that the guys might come out and we could get a photo with them.  As we waited we sampled each other's music collections and I added a lot of artists I've never heard of to my "Notes" so I can sample more and purchase some later.  Then I tweeted the band, asking them to come out for a photo.  Silly idea, but hey, what have I got to lose?  Finally at 1am I gave up on the idea that the band might actually step out of the bus, and we headed back to the car.  I took Kyle to his car, we snapped a couple photos together, and we said our goodbyes.  

It was late and I had an hour drive ahead of me to my next camping destination.  It has really poured down some rain here, but I have high hopes that I will be able to sample the mountain bike trails at Winona Lake in the morning.  My GPS takes me all the way there on back roads, and I'm grateful for the lack of traffic.  I pull in at 2am and set up my tent while a couple a row over bickers.  He sounds drunk, and now I'm not so certain how much sleep I'll get tonight after all.  Ah well....fatigue will have to catch up to me at some point.  I head to the shower and to my surprise the door has a lock with push buttons on it.  I don't have a code.  Since the camping spaces are packed and my neighbors are outside bickering I decide to squat in the entryway leading to the lady's room.  Hope no one steps in it before it dries!  Teeth brushing will just have to wait....

Oh how I love the freedom of the road.....

Road Trip Day Five

"What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do - especially in other people's minds.  When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then.  People don't have your past to hold against you.  No yesterdays on the road."

~William Least~

Aug 2nd, 2013

I was certain I  would sleep well last night, however I think the excitement of these trips makes a sound night's sleep next to impossible.  At any rate, I always wake invigorated; the bags under my eyes the only sign that I'm not getting enough rest.  I woke to the sounds of someone moving around the kitchen.  I was sure I had slept in until I grabbed my phone and saw that it was 8:30am.  I stepped out of the bedroom to find Brian cooking a hearty breakfast; oatmeal with a choice of toppings, eggs with cheese and spinach topping an english muffin, and a bowl of fresh blueberries and strawberries.  Talk about first-rate service.  This guy knows how to make a person feel at home.  Hell, I don't even get this kind of treatment at home.

We visited over breakfast and Brian suggested we hit a local Indy trail before I head out.  All you have to do is mention trails and I'm game.  We readied the bikes and set out for Town Run trail in Indianapolis.  It was a decent trail to practice speed and agility.  Even some technical spots thrown into the mix.  It's not a trail I would recommend anyone to travel far to see, but if you're ever in the area it's definitely worth a stop.  Of course in my book every trail is worth riding if you can make the time for it.  Brian claimed he hadn't ridden his bike on trails in two years, but I couldn't tell.  A trail ride is always better when you ride with someone who keeps a pretty equal pace, and he did.  

After the ride we headed back to his place where I decided to just load my things and set out again.  He convinced me to stay long enough for a quick lunch, but he couldn't talk me into a shower.  I'm an incredibly energetic person, and getting me to sit for long isn't an easy feat.  He cooked us up some turkey burgers, and I was glad to be in the company of someone who also preferred healthy eating.  I laughed when he tried getting me to take more food with me for the road, as I had packed like a mother; better too much than not enough.  I conceded to taking a bag of fresh grapes and some pita chips, which I ended up finishing before I reached my next destination.  I left him with some of the homemade cream cheese filled zucchini muffins I had brought along.

We said our goodbyes and I set out for Salamonie Lake in northern Indiana.  When I arrived the attendant on duty informed me they don't have Class B camping at this location.  What the hell does that mean anyways?  When you're dealing with the general public, could you kindly refrain from using technical terms specific to your own occupation?  This is what I learned:

Class A:  Primitive camping with no showers

Class B:  Primitive camping with showers

Class C:  Electric sites with showers

I wanted to ride the Bloodroot trail, but there happened to be another trail just 45 minutes away in Fort Wayne that had better online reviews, so I passed and set back out on the road.  

By the time I arrived in Fort Wayne I knew a Plan B was in order.  I pulled up in front of a hotel and darted out of my car in the rain for the entrance.  I was soaked by the time I hustled the 10 steps it took me to get in the front doors.  I booked a room for one night, and drove around to the nearest entrance.  Armed with just my bag of clothes and toiletry items I darted to the door, and collapsed on the bed soaking wet and freezing.  Not for long though, because my baby was still strapped to the back of my car and I didn't want it sitting out in the rain.  My bike had the U-lock fixed onto it, so by the time I got it down I was seriously drenched.  

After a shower I was re-energized, so I opened my trusty Skout app to peruse locals for a new friend.  Skout is a chatting app that uses GPS to track your location.  I found two locals that seemed cool, and set out to join the first one that was interested in a meet-up.  We met at a local bar and grill just down the road from my hotel.  We visited over a beer until the place closed its doors around midnight.  He said he was headed to a dive bar to meet friends just down the road and asked if I wanted to tag along.  I drove separate and met him there for  a couple more drinks.  Him and his buddies were good company, and it sure beat staying in the hotel by my lonesome all night.  

Goodbyes are never easy in the presence of good company, but we said them anyways and I headed back to the hotel at about 3am.  Once again dry pillows and blankets were beckoning....and I gave in with great thanks.

Road Trip Day Four

"Traveling is brutality.  It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends.  You are constantly off balance.  Nothing is yours except the essential things - air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky - all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it."

~Cesare Pavese~

My plan was to ride when I woke up this morning before setting off for Indianapolis for a concert.  It started raining during the middle of the night though, so by the time the sun came up I knew it would be too muddy to ride again today at Brown County.  I packed up and set out early to check out the city.  When I drove into Indianapolis I didn't know what to expect.  I had heard a lot of rotten things about the city from locals I ran into riding at Brown County.  All the negative things I'd been told seemed to cloud my perception, and I had to remind myself to take all the here-say with a grain of salt.  The city did seem a bit run down, but after talking to some more locals I learned that the city had really been spending the last 10 years trying to bring life back into dying areas of town.

I ran some errands, ate some lunch, and just checked out the city until it was close to show time.  I headed back downtown around 6pm to find parking.  Dr. Dog was playing at the Rathskeller in their outdoor beer garden.  I had to pee so bad by the time I got there I was really hoping I wouldn't show obvious signs of a pee-pee dance before I could make it to the restroom.  I made it, and then immediately went out to the garden to order a beer that would fill my bladder up quickly once again.  

I scanned the outdoor garden and considered my approach.  There were picnic tables all around with people sitting in groups waiting for the show to start.  I was taking note of the diverse crowd and thinking about how I should choose wisely who I would approach, as I didn't want to end  up feeling "stuck" with a group of people whose company I wouldn't enjoy.  I spotted a woman about my age sitting alone at a table.  She appeared to be there with someone else, but there was no indication of who or how many.  I approached and asked if there was room for me at the table.  She said there were others joining her, but only a handful of people.  When I told her I was alone she said there would be plenty of room for one more.  We started visiting, and right away we hit it off.  Her husband joined us shortly after, followed by two of his friends.  

They were  a great bunch, and I decided I wouldn't wander, because I figured I would enjoy the show more with such good company.  We talked bikes and music and music and food.  They asked me about my travels, and I was keenly aware of the familiar looks of surprise and wonder at the idea that a young woman would set out on such a journey alone.  The show was even better than I imagined, partly because of the good company.  The guys in the group were even kind enough to find higher ground for us ladies so we could view the band over the tops of the sold-out crowd.

When the show ended they all walked me to my car, which coincidentally ended up being parked right in front of theirs.  I told them I was setting out for a 2 hour drive towards my next destination.  When they drove off I sat in my car debating whether driving was really a good idea since my head still felt a bit foggy after two beers.  Thankfully one of the guys, Brian, had asked me to text him the pics I took of all of us at the show.  He text me to ask if I had safely made it out of the city and I confessed that I was still parked and indecisive.  He graciously offered to drive back down and let me follow him back to his place so I could sleep.  Wisdom told me this was an opportunity I should take, because driving didn't feel like a wise idea at all this point.  

I followed him back and we visited for a moment before I turned in for the night.  He was kind enough to give me his bed, and he took the couch for the night.  Actually it was a chair and ottoman, and I felt a bit guilty for putting him out.  He assured me that wasn't the case, so I headed to bed, thankful for dry pillows and blankets.  I was certain it would be the best night of sleep I had gotten so far.  

As I laid down in bed I hugged a dry pillow and marveled at how just last night this is what I longed for; dry bedding, air conditioning, and quiet.  Now I have it....and I realize I miss the fresh outdoor air and the sounds of nature in my ears.

We are funny creatures; always wanting those things we don't have, and struggling to be content with what we do have.  I believe it takes intention to live in the present and be grateful for the here and now.  Life has a way of running ahead of us.  We can spend so much time in pursuit of it, we get caught up in the race and lose sight of the purpose.  Or we see the purpose ahead of us, but forget what we hold in our hands.

Tonight I'm grateful for the kindness of people.  I'm grateful that an open heart, a smile, and stories are all you need to make new friends.  I'm grateful that no matter how corrupt some things in the world might be...there are always kind people out there as well....

Road Trip Day Three

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed.  Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them."

~Carrie Bradshaw~

I woke up lat this morning.  Back home it would have been 9:30 am, but I've gone east to the next time zone.  I decided to head into the small tourist town I saw just outside the state park when I drove in yesterday.  I found some coffee and poked around town, visiting the local bike shop, along with some others.  They rent bikes for $30-$50 a day at the local shop.  Not too bad a price, but I still suggest you just bring your own.

As I was debating heading back to camp or stopping for lunch, I spotted a guy in a jeep turning onto the same road I was taking.  Our eyes held contact (or so I thought) while he turned the corner.  Keeping up with road trip tradition I thought, "Why not?"  A red bandana worn like a cap covered shoulder length, wavy hair.  A guitar occupied the passenger seat next to him, and his dog rode in the backseat, leash strapped to the roll bar.  

He looked cool as hell and I was craving some company.  I started following him, and eventually declared out loud, "Well what do ya know?" When he turned into the state park where I am camping.  I followed him around twists and turns, thinking about what I would say if I actually pulled up next to him.  I went back and forth between feeling ridiculous and reminding myself that life is short.  What else was I going to do today besides ride my bike?  Besides, I rarely regret the things I do, but rather those things I avoid in fear. 

After passing through the registration booth I could see that he had paid for the car behind him.  It looked like he already had 3 ladies joining him.  Damn the luck!  Ah well, the adventure was fun while it lasted!  Then imagine my surprise when he pulled into a campsite no more than 100 yards down the road from mine.  Hmph.  I hadn't needed to follow him after all.

I went straight to my camp and started getting into my gear for another bike ride.  This time I was out in the woods for four hours, about an hour of which was spent visiting with locals that I ran into on the trails.  When I could feel my body wearing out from hours of pedaling up hills and gripping handlebars on the downhills, I decided to head back to camp.  My bike gear was beginning to stink up my whole car, my blankets were still soggy, and I knew a laundry run was in order.  I headed back into town for a laundromat and met a former local while I was washing laundry.  He used to live around these parts before moving out to North Carolina years ago when he started his family.  They were staying at a cabin, and he came into town alone to do the family's laundry.  I was glad for the company.  The hour and a half went by quickly as we found topics of conversation where we had some common ground.  

We said our goodbyes and headed out with clean laundry.  I pulled up at camp, and even though coffee sounded good again, I had learned my lesson from the night before.  I decided to call it a night so I could get up early for one more ride before my next leg of the journey.  When I crawled into my tent all I could hear were frogs.  What sounded like thousands of them.  As the rain started coming down again I was so grateful for dry blankets and the added protection of a tarp over my tent.  I'm sure I fell asleep with a big smile on my face and peace in my heart......

Road Trip Day Two

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover."

~ Mark Twain~

I woke up a bit damp this morning.  Nothing too serious, but enough to know my things were going to be wet and muddy for a while.  I headed out quickly and started driving north and east; once again directly into the storm.  Several things can make me nervous while driving.  One of them is driving in heavy rain. It felt like it would never stop, but once again I finally got ahead of the storm.

Having not learned from yesterday's lesson I was following GPS coordinates that landed me right in the middle of.....yeah, you guessed it:  Nowhere.  I plugged in the name of the state park and found that I would be doubling back about a half hour to Brown County State Park.  I finally arrived and set up my tent.  Then I headed to the park's country store for ice and a tarp to over my tent.  Supplies purchased, I went to the bath house to change into bike gear.  By the time I set out for the trails, the sky was dropping light rain.  I had no idea how hard the storm would hit here, so I raced off to find the nearest trail head.  I spent about three hours riding advanced and intermediate trails, all the while thinking about how different organizations' perception of those concepts is so diverse.  No matter what some reviews or maps say, you never really know what you're going to find until you get there.

The trails here travel up large hills and venture back into valleys.  They're well-groomed with plenty of opportunity to work on speed and agility.  By the time the rain started really pouring down, I had no idea where I was at.  And I was tired, muddy, and really ready to be done.  I finally found my way half an hour later.  The shower I had next felt like one of the best showers I've ever experienced.  Not because there was anything special about the shower house, a shower was just that long overdue!

I ate a cold can of soup for dinner and had two cups of campfire coffee before turning in for the night.  I thought I would read, but after turning a couple pages in my book I realized I wasn't retaining a bit of the information.  Exhausted and wired, I cursed myself for drinking that damn coffee so late.  Then I settled into soggy blankets and tossed and turned until my body eventually gave in to sleep.