Growing Pains

I have a deep desire to grow emotionally and spiritually. You can't have either without experiencing some form of pain, suffering, and humility. I welcome the growth - and I resist the suffering it brings. Inner turmoil ensues. A tug of war where I feel bombarded with emotions from all different directions. They cover me in layers so thick that I have trouble differentiating between them all. It just feels like a battle, and I want the fight to be over. What are my options? I could run away. Or I could face the reality that when I get through the current experience I may walk away stronger. I'd like to cry, but I don't. Oh that dreaded detachment....It seems to creep up right in the midst of trying to process these emotions. Then I'm fighting again to feel the emotions so I can process them some more. Maybe right now I just need to be still for a moment and allow God to intervene. Oh surrender self, just surrender.....

Dear Friend,

You find yourself in an unfamiliar place. Surrounded by unfamiliar faces, roads, and food. It is all thrilling; living this dream your heart has yearned for. Yet now you find that life has become too unfamiliar. Not only have your surroundings changed, but you have too. You now share your body, giving life to another. Suddenly the landscape that once appealed to you has lost its fascination. The beautiful sunset seems to have lost its color. The cathedral you once stared at in awe has lost all appeal as you search for meaning in all of this. Why? Where has the joy gone?
I beseech you to ask yourself if it was ever really there. What has shattered is not your life. It is not your future that seems lost. An image has been exposed for what it is. What is this image? Who created it? Was it you who thought it had to be free of all flaws? Or was it important people in your life who told you it HAD to look perfect?
In the midst of your sorrow I look at you and I am grateful. Yes, my heart aches for you. However I can see that although so much is changing, so many things are still the same. You are still full of strength. You are still one of the most loving people I know. You are beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, kind, empathetic, persistent, and honest. You can still do all things through him who gives you strength.
So an image has shattered. Now you are faced with opportunity. This opportunity will challenge the very idea that the life you have been living has been truly authentic. Do you not desire authenticity? Do you not desire personal growth? If you answer yes, then I encourage you to accept this challenge. Does that mean I will tell you what decisions to make for your future? No. I am simply saying that the path to peace often comes with a cost; your comfort. The process; being true to yourself. The reward; liberation.
It's scary, I know. Tell me, would you rather go to the library and read a book about a girl who never does wrong, who never takes risks, and who lives the same dull routine every day? Or would you rather read the story about the woman who made mistakes and learned from them; the story where the woman dares to look others in the eye and tell them that she will not allow their thoughts, ideas, and judgments to define her? This woman learns along the way that she is special just the way she is; by believing that there is more to life than all of this.
When you wake up today, will you close your eyes to look at a false image that has been shattered? Or will you open your eyes to the possibilities of a beautiful new beginning?
Much love,
Betty