Joyful Moments

Oh dear blog, how I've missed you. I've longed to write so much lately but haven't found in the time in the midst of raising children, working, searching for a new home, and applying for college. *sighs* Oh, the rat race of life. I wish I had great news for you, but nothing tremendously exciting has happened as of late. Many disappointments in the house hunting department. The joys of parenting have continued as normal. I can say that this evening at least I was driving home on a 3 hour trip across the state and found myself in a moment of bliss. Flipping through the radio I landed on an old song that brought me right back to my past in a rush of delightful feelings. I heard Your Love by the Outfield and there I was, back in 1997 riding in the back of Charles Jackson's GTO in the company of great friends while Charles hit the repeat button every time the song ended. For a moment I was there again, carefree and thinking, "Life doesn't get better than this...great friends, good music, summer nights." I was reminded of my love of music and how it can take you back to another place in time, memories tucked away in cobweb-filled corners of my mind. Suddenly I thought of Seal's Kissed From a Rose and how it was playing on the radio as my cousin and I left the hospital after seeing my Grandfather just after he lost his fight with cancer in 1995. I envisioned the lyrics of Bon Jovi's Make a Memory and recalled how it felt lying in my lovers arms and probing his memory about his relationship with his mother and father. Then I saw my sister back in 1994 standing before her bedroom mirror, curling her hair the way she always did as she bounced to the sound of a Salt-n-Peppa cd in her stereo. I saw myself lying on my dining room floor, tears streaming down my face as I sang along with Sarah McLachlan's Angel. I was weary, lying in my bathtub, crying again as I listened to the lyrics of Superchick's Beauty From Pain and marveled at how music artists have the ability to capture emotions so perfectly at times.
Then I was in my car again, smiling as I realized that I'm truly happy. I don't want to live with regrets, just want to know that my past has led me to where I am today. I accept that. I embrace that. I felt the woman that I am and how as I age I am learning to throw off inhibitions like a jacket worn on a cool morning that has turned warm on a sunny summer day. I though of my desire to love myself for who I am and smiled as I recalled that I am becoming that woman more and more with each passing day. I smiled, because the world can be a dark painful place, but moments of pure joy do exist, and they make it all worthwhile....