Time for Confrontation

A lot of time has been passing again between blogs. Again, I could make excuses; however, I prefer honesty. It’s not always easy to be honest. In fact, when we are in denial it’s nearly impossible I think. I have felt as if I just haven’t wanted to blog lately. At least that’s what I’ve told myself. Truth is, I think I avoid blogging when the personal things going on in my life seem entirely too fresh and personal to pour out onto the big WWW. I realize hardly anyone reads my blog, however the thought that anyone could read it still leaves me feeling fairly vulnerable.
I’ve had a lot on my plate lately. I’ve moved; the roommate situation didn’t go quite as planned unfortunately. That’s all I’ll say about that. My children and I are living with a relative while I try to buy a home close to the college I plan on attending in June. Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone. I’m still raising my 2 children, and I’m still working from my “temporary” home. The move was a huge stressor. Buying a home can definitely be a stressor as well.
The biggest stressor though? I’ve been watching someone very close to me struggle with an addiction for some time now. The entire thing hits so close to home, the very thought of it leaves me feeling a bit detached. Recent events in this person’s life have given me flashbacks into my own childhood. I’ve had trouble sleeping. I’ve repeatedly switched back and forth between peaceful days and days filled with anxiety. I’ve felt like running. I’ve felt like confronting. I’ve felt like turning my head, and I’ve felt like taking a stand. One day I feel ferociously strong about my beliefs, and the next day I may feel like perhaps I am being dramatic. All in all I think I’ve been pretty detached. I want to live my life with intent, and instead I’ve been doing a lot of going through the motions. The passion I generally have about living life has been a stranger only passing through for small periods of time.
I suppose it’s time for an intervention. I speak vaguely about doing this. When I truly begin to consider the conversation my stomach grows full of knots and I grow weary and fearful again. I’m going to do it though. I don’t think I know anyone who actually enjoys true confrontation; it’s just not easy. However, no matter how daunting the outcome might be (there are so many possible outcomes), I know deep within that it is necessary. The persistent need for the “confrontation” is not just for the good of one person, but rather for the well-being of many. So, for anyone out there who may be reading this post, say a quiet prayer that God will fill me with a strength that is not my own, because right now I am ever so aware of my own weaknesses.
Ps. Thanks to my friend who gently reminded me to blog…..