To Taste Death

Grief is a funny thing.  For some reason it elicits the voice of others telling you what you should or shouldn't do.  As if another person could actually determine what you truly need in the present moment.  For everyone experiences it in their own unique way.  Some become quiet and/or reclusive.  Some want to chatter non stop.  Some people want to stay busy.  Some want to cry.....and some don't.
Everyone is distracted.  Some people have a hard time staying on task.

Family gathers.  Friends come and go.  The days are long, but then again, so are the nights.

Morning brings the memory that death is real.  And  personal.

And the idea of another entire day.....looms.

Everyone wishes they had more time.  Some people have regrets.

Reflection abounds.

People scramble in search of photos.

Sometimes love and kindness dominate.  Sometimes tempers flare.

Heads and hearts feel heavy.

A deep ache can leave you clutching your chest.

Sometimes deep breaths are necessary.

Sometimes you need time alone.

I need hope.  I need the promise that this isn't the end.  The promise that love never dies.  I need the gentle reminder to give thanks; for the gift of life.  For the gift of love.  For family.

I need prayer.  I need patience.  And I have a great need to be held.

My heart pours heartfelt thoughts and prayers in God's lap, and I hope the ones I have loved are also there to witness it.  I pray they are held.....the way some of us yearn to be; by our Creator.

If I died Tomorrow

If I died tomorrow
What what would they say?
That they always saw a smile on my face?
Because they never saw the tears spilling behind closed doors.
Quite consistently.
Those evenings when the  weight of life leaves me feeling small
As if my efforts were too meager.
Or maybe I'm simply being my own worst critic.
But I'm not alone.
Though I often feel alone.
Peace emerges when I look up and admit that God walks with me.
I don't always feel the peace.
But I always trust the truth.
Some days I find myself hoping to be rescued
Forgetting that I already have been.
And every day he promises to rescue me again.
Emmanuel.....

Perhaps I should work more on telling the truth.
Being honest.
About the joys, and the struggles.
Sharing not for my own sake, but to ease someone else's burden.
I'm certain we all need to be reminded.....
That we are not alone....