Anxious Chaos

Alright, so 5 months into my masters program and I'm already asking myself if any of this was really a good idea. Obtaining a degree in counseling requires a person to take a deep look into his or her own life. What I am finding out is that when you do this, you may just end up wondering if the person sitting in the "hot seat" shouldn't be yourself. Damn. Not only that, but my life has become what feels like a chaotic mess of constantly reanalyzing priorities, racing against the clock, and continually being reminded of the many ways that I fall short when I fill my plate as full as it currently is. What does all this mean? I wish I knew. Right now all that I am really sure of is the fact that I am not truly happy because I don't feel that I have the time or discipline to be truly engaged in my present life. All the pressure makes me feel that much more detached and scattered. I'm fighting a constant tug-of-war. I wish I just had time alone. When I'm alone I'm just lonely. I wish I had time to devote to school work. When I find that time I'm distracted by social networks and mindless websites that put a temporary smile on my face. When I think ahead, try and take one step at a time, and breathe; I see all that lies before me and I feel that I should be able to make it all fit. Once again I find myself asking, "At what cost?"
Add to this all the other shit life likes to throw at us, and what do you come up with? Not enough hours in the day? An awareness that those 24 hours should be spent more wisely? The desire to "get away" more often? Lots of dry humor? The desire to stay in bed for an entire weekend? How about all of the above. I wish I could end this post on a more positive note. Truth is though, I'm not sure yet what that looks like. I suppose I can say at least I haven't given up on the idea yet....